Why do we complain

People complain because they want something in their life to change. For all of us there is a gap between how life is and how we want life to be. So, we tell people about it. Most times however, complaining does not solve the problem or create change for the complainer. In fact, often it brings more stuff into their life to complain about.

Gratitude, The Remedy for Complaining

When you are complaining you are focusing on what is going badly in the present moment. It is important to look at the big picture and realize that what is happening in the present moment is not going to last forever.  The hard times will pass, and it has been my experience that the hard times are often the times in my life that I have grown the most. They are the times that in hind sight I am actually most grateful for.

I recently heard a story that teaches this principle. I do not remember the names in the story, now do I remember the author of the story… so if you recognize this story and have that info… let me know so I can give them credit for it. Anyway the story goes like this.

The Story of Reginald, the Kings Most Trusted Advisor

There was a king who had a great adviser. The adviser’s name was Reginald. Reginald was the king’s favorite adviser and all of his other advisers were jealous of him. Reginald had one bit of advice that he would always give the king. Whatever was going on he would say to the king, “Everything is happening exactly as it should be.” The king loved this. Until one day.

The king was working in his shop and ended up getting a massive cut on his arm. He was in terrible pain and was bleeding a lot. He told his servants to go ask Reginald what his advice was. Reginald told the servants that everything was happening exactly as it should be. The king was furious when he heard that and he had Reginald thrown into the dungeon.

The servants dressed the kings wound and he decided that he needed to cool off so he went on a hunting trip. While on this hunting trip he was captured by a group of uncivilized natives. They had no idea that he was the king. They did not care who he was and had o idea what he was talking about when he told them how powerful he was. They did not recognize his authority. To them he was just any other person.

It was time for this native tribe’s annual human sacrifice, and they were planning on sacrificing the king. However, when they were preparing the king for the sacrifice they noticed that he had a cut on his arm. They could not sacrifice him because the sacrifice had to be an unblemished sacrifice. So they let him go.

As he was walking back to his kingdom he kept thinking about how Reginald had been right. The cut on his arm had saved his life. He understood how it was actually a good thing that the cut had happened. There was just one thing that he could not figure out. When he arrived back at the kingdom he asked Reginald about it.

“I understand how my getting cut on the arm was supposed to happen,” he said, after explaining what had happened “But how was me throwing you in dungeon supposed to be what happened.”

Reginald smiled as he saw the wisdom in what had unfolded. “If you had not thrown me in the dungeon,” he said “I would probably have been on the hunting trip with you and also would have been captured. And I don’t have any cuts on my body.”

The moral of the story

Sometimes you might find yourself complaining about something in your life that you would want to be different. Especially as a teenager and it is hard to see how that situation could turn out to be positive in the future. If you can choose to find things to be grateful for, even in the hard moments, you will attract more good into your life. You will bring more in your life to be grateful for.

One trick that I have used to find something to be grateful for every day is a gratitude list. Everyday in my journal I write 5 things that I was grateful for that day. Then at the end of the week I review my lists and pick out the top 5 things that I was grateful for that week. Then I do the same at the end of the month, reviewing the top 5 of each week. At the end of the month I am reviewing 20 amazing things that happened to me that that month. Looking over those things provides a lot of power and satisfaction for me in my life. I would love for you to try it and let us know how it is working for you.

Teen Girls compare their ‘lack of talent’ to others ‘best’ talents
I have always wanted to be a singer. I would love to be on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans. I would love to be on stage in front of 15 people who just came to see me play my guitar and sing. However, a great singing voice is not something that I was blessed with. In fact, back in the day when I played in a band, i was pretty much not allowed to go near a microphone.

I have a good friend who is a very good singer. He plays gigs. He records his own music. He gets invited to sing a lot because he is very talented.

If I chose to define my self worth by comparing my singing talent to his, I would be in the dumps all the time. I would be basing my self worth and value on someone Else’s talents and unique ability. How crazy is that? It’s insane, but a lot of people, including teenage girls, do it.

Rather than compare myself to my singing friend, I should take a look at my own unique skills and abilities. i should make a list of things that I love to do, things that I know I do well, or things that other people have complimented me about. Then focus on those things. You should do the same. Find out what it is that you love and are good at, then to develop your skills in those areas.

Teen Girls compare themselves with media perfection
Walk into any grocery store or gas station and you will see loads of magazines with bikini clad women gracing the covers. Watch MTV or VH-1 and you see scantily clad women with great bodies either singing as the lead artist, or taking a back up role as a dancer. The media has flooded our society with images that are designed to attract attention and lead a person to buy merchandise.

As teen girls see the magazine covers and watch T.V. they are bombarded with images of ‘the perfect body’. Girls compare their imperfect bodies with the ones they are seeing on the magazine covers and it is damaging to their self esteem.

The Teen Esteem Council conducted a series of interviews to find out what the major problems that teenage girls face today. Body image was one of the main issues that continually came up. They often see boys looking at magazine covers or hearing boys talk about how ‘hot’ this model or that model is. The girls feel that they have to compete with that in order to get attention from boys.

Realize that your body is your body. Most parts of how you look are not going to change drastically. Also realize that your body is not you. There is so much more to you than just the package of skin and bones that the real you uses to get around.

What is most important is that you keep your body healthy. Make healthy choices in your eating habits. Exercise regularly. The formula is simple, but there is discipline required to carrying it out. You probably don’t have the time and money to hire a nutritionist and a personal trainer like the celebrities do. You also probably don’t have the access to the computer software that can take away many of the blemishes that those celebrities still have. So keep your body healthy and in shape and the comfort level of your appearance will increase.

Everyone compares. It is part of our human nature. Teenage girls compare themselves in a myriad of ways. This article has discussed only two of them. Hopefully the suggestions given can benefit you if this is something that you are struggling with.

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In our first podcast we discuss the way we see the world and how they influence our decision making. They also discuss how maps relate to finding happiness and self esteem in life.

Click on the link below to listen to the podcast.

“I used to think, ‘I’ll take care of you and you take care of me’. But now I think, ‘I’ll take care of me for you if you take care of you for me.’

There are many times in our lives where we lose ourselves in the emotions of being in a relationship with someone. Many girls derive almost all of their self worth, or lack of it, from having or not having a boyfriend. And if having a boyfriend isn’t important then getting attention from boys is where much of their self esteem comes from. Sometimes you can lose yourself and your values as you pursue happiness from a relationship. “I’ll take care of you” becomes ”I’ll do anything to still have you in my life”. Giving up your values for the temporary satisfaction of attention or an unhealthy relationship erodes your self esteem. There is a moment of satisfaction but long term self esteem, happiness, and attractiveness can’t be acheived this way. Those things are fostered in “taking care of yourself”.

When you develop yourself and your uniqe talents and abilities. When you live by the values that you know in your heart to be true and right. When you set high standards for yourself and exercise self discipline in living them. When you do those things… Then you truly have something to give in a relationship. Then you have something to give to the world. Then you will attract the type of people that you truly want to be part of your life. They will be attracted to you because peace and self esteem will radiate from within you.